bid my bffl of all my life adieu today. yuck why am i talking like this?
anyways, whatever.
idk how to feel about this. im not crying, although i have this pang in my head that tells me i should. and im feeling some type of way, cuz like, even though the goodbye was more formal than last year, it still feels like theres still some unanswered questions and unspoken statements. things kinda popped off [as well as clothes] so theres a void where an explanation should be. dont get me wrong, i was trying to avoid all this under all circumstances. this feeling, i mean. questioning, wondering, expectation. i forced myself not to become attached cuz i knew i wasnt allowed to. im still not, so why do i feel this way? i guess its because i am incapable of holding onto the thought and the belief that [most] things that happen between two people on a certain level can never be considered as not special. im incapable of understanding that you cant avoid a chemistry, no matter what kind it is. cuz eventually the chemicals will react, aly & aj said it best [dont judge me, lol.] sigh, but with that, it fizzles over, and you get what i got: a best friend you feel taboo feelings for, and him the same way. what do you do? wait it out. thats the best we CAN do.
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